Desired but Forbidden
by nesza
Summary: He wanted the infinite possibility, the promise of what never could be. A moment between Cloud and Aeris. A visit and a promise.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own FF7 or any of its characters.

A/N: I can't say there's much plot here, for it was merely a rushed two-hour fic and the concept was born out of boredom and depression. Just another angsty stolen moment. Anyway, I hope you'd enjoy reading this…

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**Desired but Forbidden**

He made a sigh, a gesture for both regret and pain. He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts that always seemed to come whenever he had more than a couple of seconds to spare for thoughts. He hated the sinking feeling it brought but realized that it was part of him he'd never be able to get rid of. He extended his hand towards the water and let the flowers fall from between his fingers. It fell, making ripples at its wake, disturbing the calmness of the layer after layer of liquid.

"I'll come for you," he whispered before closing his eyes and dropping his head.

"You already have."

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. That voice. He'll recognize that voice anywhere. It didn't surprise him that when he opened his eyes, he was no longer in the Forgotten City, but there in a field of flowers, standing behind the woman he came for.

"Aeris…" he stated, he could feel her warmth radiating towards his cold back.

"This flower…it's yours, isn't it?" she asked with mirth in her voice.

Cloud shrugged. It took him weeks to learn the basics of planting and it took him several weeks more guarding those flowers in fear of reckless kids trampling them. But it wasn't exactly something he'd tell her. "It grew in your church."

"It's beautiful, Cloud. Thank you."

Cloud nodded and dropped his head again. Silence stretched between them. He wanted to tell her so much but found no words. Words never came easy for him anyway. There were so many things in his head that he wanted her to hear but somehow he did not know where to begin.

"You wanted to say something?" Finally, she spoke.

He moved his lips but words came late. He didn't know how exactly to tell her for he was sure she would disapprove. "Aeris…" he started, voice low and meaningful, "I want you to wait for me."

"Wait?"

"Just wait for me. Promise me...that when I come for you, you'll be there."

"I'm always here, Cloud," she said, voice almost laughing.

He shook his head. She didn't understand. She always found it hard to understand. She had told him not to give up, made him promise never to hurry to follow. What she'd never understand was that it was a bigger sin to wake up each morning without her by his side. "No. Listen to me. I'm going to find the promised land…**my** promised land and no matter what you say, I won't stop until I find it."

"Cloud…" it was her turn to drop her head. She didn't need to see the determination in his eyes for she could feel it. She could feel it even as she stood behind him, she heard it in his breathing, sensed it in his voice, felt it in his heartbeat.

He belonged with them, with Tifa and the others. He belonged with the kids in the orphanage, with Marlene and Denzel. He belonged with the living, with the promises of everything she couldn't have. She believed it was his place but Cloud never believed the same. "I'm always with you. What more do you want?" she spoke in a soft whisper.

"I want to meet you," he mouthed. If infinity had a beginning, that must be it. He wanted her. He wanted a hand to hold. Lips to kiss. A reason to smile each day.

Her heart sank. "Cloud…"

"I want you, I want us, your touch, your love, you..." he said. _Always you..._

There were so many things he wanted, so many dreams he wished for. He wanted a wedding in a church. A bride in a gown with a smile. A daughter who looks like her mother. He wanted the infinite possibility, the promise of what never could be.

She smiled and nodded. Somehow, she understood it now. He loved her, too…just the way she loved him. He felt the pain of parting much deeper and much more painful than she thought he did.

Everything he wanted, she wanted too. A man to love, a family of her own. She didn't want to be the last. God knew she'd give anything not to be the last. Things, however, were far more complicated than her dreams and reality was more cruel than she ever could have imagined. No, what they wanted was not possible anymore. She lived a hundred dimensions away and though she wanted nothing more than to hold the broken boy in her arms, she knew she couldn't…shouldn't…do it.

"I want that too," was her bittersweet reply. Standing there and hearing her words, he felt he had just reached heaven.

She let out a deep breath. "But I can't have that. You can. In time you'll realize you'd want it…not with me but with another," she knew what she had to do. She had to let him go if she wanted him to move on.

Suddenly, heaven ended. And he was back where he was, with feelings of anguish, uncertainty and guilt. It was pitiful, really, to break and crumble in every way possible. To love, though he never knew what it was. To hurt with no chance of salvation. To seek forgiveness with no possibility of redemption.

He was everything he didn't want to be. He felt everything he didn't want to feel.

Fate had been cruel. It gave her to him only to take her away. And it was time he resisted. He knew he can defy laws that bind him to his fate. He was willing to defy anything and everything if it meant **his** happiness. He didn't know where to start or where to end but he'd do anything to find that chance, that possibility, the promise of ultimate happiness.

He deserved to be happy. He knew that much. He had served his years paying for a debt he never knew he had. He had allowed them to use him and trample him for the longest time. Everyone had limits. Everyone was bound to eventually grow tired. And he was tired of fighting battles for everyone else. It was time he fought for what he truly wanted.

"Someday, somehow, we'll meet. And everything we want could happen. We'll have a home and love and children of our own…but not in this lifetime, Cloud. Not here, not now."

"Someday…" Cloud whispered. She felt the warmth of his hand wrap around her own, her fingers intertwining with his. "Someday I'll breathe in your scent before I sleep and find you by my side when I wake. Someday I'd no longer look forward to these stolen moments but to years and years with you."

He squeezed her hand as though for reassurance. "And I won't sit and wait for someday to come. I'll find it, meet it half-way and when I do, I want to see you there. That's everything I ask."

She started to cry. Tears slipped through though she didn't want them to fall. She had feared this day would come. He was another man, no longer the Cloud she knew. It had proven too much for him. The boy finally broke. He finally slipped away from everything that held him together. He was broken and he wanted to be whole. He had dreams guided solely by his heart, his mind no longer had its hold on him. Reality had lost yet another man to dreams. The impossible was nothing but improbable to a crazy man, to a man in love. Sanity had slipped entirely and she cried for she knew deep inside she had wanted this too.

And though it broke her heart to see him like this and tolerate the madness that had possessed him, all she could do was utter a promise. "I'll wait, Cloud. I'll wait for _someday_…here." She squeezed his hand, his warmth radiating to her cold fingers.

"Don't cry, Aeris. I'll come for you soon," he said with a smile. He only needed to search. He knew he only needed to want it so much, too much and he'd find it. If only for the warmth of her hand. If only for another chance.

Aeris bit her lip and through the river of tears, she smiled. "And I'll be waiting for you…"

They stood, for the longest time, with hands together and fingers intertwined. And she wished they'd stay that way…no longer a stolen moment but a promise of eternity.

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Any comments? I'd love to read your reviews. 

Thanks for reading!


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